Back At Work

I can't believe it's finally happened....I'm back at work. This sucks BIG TIME. I'm depressed, bored, frustrated and angry. Let me explain:

Depressed: My kid is at a babysitters having fun without me. I sound like a big sucky baby right now I know, but it's true! I spent over 10 months with her and it just kept getting better and better. She interracts with me more now and everyday you see her learning something new. I'm also depressed because there is no end in sight. I'm here until...well until I have another baby! Who the heck knows when that's going to happen. So, from the time I do finally get pregnant I have to work another 9 months. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Bored: I know it's only been three days but I've done jack. There's no new business, I have no manager to assign me work and everyone here hates being at work.

Frustrated: This company is frustrating the heck out of me. I had 2265 e-mails when I got back to work and no lie, 20 of them were people leaving who I worked with closely. How many of those people have been replaced? ZERO. I have no manager, no director, no team lead...nothing. We have no equipment, have to rely on production machines to do our testing, which means we have to come in after hours to run basic tests. Um hello, I'm here from 8am - 4pm. Nothing more. I have a baby to be home with!!! So what the heck am I going to do? The application that has been my baby for 8 years is going to the competitor - and I could have had a job with them. My timing has been waaaaaaaaaay off. I could go on and on and on...but I'm just complaining and it's probably pretty tiresome.

Angry: At who? My work? Myself? Corey? Life? The World? I can't explain why I'm feeling angry...I just am. I'm angry that I have to be here.

I could be feeling this emotional because I'm running on about 3 hours of sleep. Samantha had a VERY rough night. She wouldn't sleep unless I was in the room with her rubbing her eyebrow. It's cute, and sweet, at first. By 3am I was getting very emotional, begging her to let me sleep. The poor babysitter today!

OK I need to focus on some positives. We bought a small motorhome and had our first outting this weekend. It was glorious. The weather was beautiful, the RV was warm and it was nice finally getting to be just the three of us. We made hotdogs, marshmellows, bacon and grilled cheese on the fire (we = Corey). Core and I sat at the fire every night while Samantha slept. I made good progress on a book I'm reading (it takes me at least a month to read a book now - I usually only have time when I'm....in the bathroom).

Corey has been wonderful throughout all of this. I don't know what I would do without him. He's happy at work, happy at home. To be so great putting up with me right now, I'm a very lucky girl.

Oh. I lost my camera. Totally bummed about that. I had all kinds of great pictures from my trip to Montreal on it. Corey's buying me a new one for my birthday.

I finally burried my mom's urn May 3rd. I feel so relieved.

Let me see if I can find any pictures of Sam on this computer. Now that I'm bored at work, I'll be a better blogger, you'll see!

For My Darling Baby Girl: What are you up to now...well lets see. If we even say the word "Flower" you start sniffing the air. If you actually see a flower, you freak out until we let you get close to it and smell. You have a blankie, it's one of my pyjama shirts. You can't sleep without that and your "suey". You're starting to "talk". If you see the cat you say "Ca", "Da" for dog etc. You can walk if we hold your arms and you get VERY nervous if we try and get you to do it on your own. You wave if someone is coming or going and waving at you. You will give us kisses if we ask, usually with your mouth wide open. The only person you've kissed on your own is your Daddy. You like to eat on your own, we can't feed you anymore. You're eating everything we eat, no more baby food :) Your Grandpa and Grandma love you very much, you're a lucky little girl. Someone is always around to give you what you want hahaha. Oh and you know how to point at what you want now...it's cute.