Saying Goodbye
RIP Saphire Long, 1995 - May 2008We had to put Saphire down last night. It was time. Her weight had drastically gone down (and I mean from obviously obese to skin and bones), she wasn't eating, she was losing control of her bladder and was peeing blood. I couldn't take it anymore, she was suffering too much. It finally hit Corey too.
I went into the room with her. It was a peaceful experience. They put a blanket down for her on the floor and we had her lie down. There were three of us, me the doctor and the tech, all females, comforting our big doberman. They told me I could hold her head and I whispered how she was going to be alright, she wouldn't suffer anymore and that we all loved her into her ear as she peacefully fell asleep. I shed a few tears but felt an enormous weight lifted off my heart. This was what saying Goodbye was all about. I haven't had many chances to say good bye to those I've lost. The one time I've put an animal down, my cat, it was over from the onset of problems to death in I swear, 45 minutes. He had a bloot clot. Then my mom... I feel like I've learned from this experience, learned that saying good bye is not something to avoid. It helped me feel the peace I feel today. Looking back I can see times where I avoided someone's illness because I didn't know how to face a possible good bye. I didn't attend funerals because I couldn't face saying good bye. I'm going to take this experience and grow from it. Thank you Saphire, for this final gift.
She wasn't "my" dog, but she was our dog for the past 4 years. We started out great Saphire and I, best friends, sleeping in together (on our bed!), chilling out. I could tolerate her "quirks" (ok, to be honest, I had serious issues with how Corey raised her, but that's just me) and give into her many needs, like a mom I guess. The the real baby came, and things changed. I no longer had the time for her, she couldn't sleep on the bed anymore because of the baby. Her needs became a pain for me, I had baby needs to tend to. Saphire never had puppies and she's a dog, I'm sure she didn't understand why I was changing.
She got sick when I got sick. So here I was, morning sickness, a one year old and a sick dog. Yes Corey was there, but he's not a nurturer. Not like me. He could ignore her cries when she wanted in and out of the house a million times a day. I couldn't. She tired me. And then in the end, she saddened me. It wasn't fair to her, and there wasn't anything I could do. I had to let him do it his way. It was his dog.
So the next time should be better right? I will have equal say. I'm not ready now though. Dogs are cute and all, but they're a LOT of work. First there is puppyhood. You have to approach that as a mom and apply the golden principals of "routine, consistency and love". This means walks in the subzero weather NO MATTER WHAT, feeding routines etc. Then you have an adult dog with a good routine. I don't have the time for this in the distant future, let alone the near future. We need a few years off I think, wait until the kids are 7-9 so they can learn and help with the experience. With the proper approach, I can see how owning a pet is an important life lesson. Right down to the saying goodbye (because lets face it, if you have a pet it's going to happen).
And so we move on. I will be getting my cat back, Freckles. Freckles has been my cat for 12 years, his entire life. He's the best cat in the world, affectionate, great with Samantha, low maintenance, fat and furry. He's been living with the in-laws for about 3 years now. We were there living with him for two of them, but because of the dog we didn't get to see much of him. Saphire hated cats and I swear, she would have killed him (she killed skunks and he IS black and white).
Of course I can't post an entry on this day, May 2nd, without reflecting on my baby brother. It's his birthday...his SIXTEENTH birthday. I can't even put my head around that one. I saw him being born....time. Happy Birthday Naner.
I went into the room with her. It was a peaceful experience. They put a blanket down for her on the floor and we had her lie down. There were three of us, me the doctor and the tech, all females, comforting our big doberman. They told me I could hold her head and I whispered how she was going to be alright, she wouldn't suffer anymore and that we all loved her into her ear as she peacefully fell asleep. I shed a few tears but felt an enormous weight lifted off my heart. This was what saying Goodbye was all about. I haven't had many chances to say good bye to those I've lost. The one time I've put an animal down, my cat, it was over from the onset of problems to death in I swear, 45 minutes. He had a bloot clot. Then my mom... I feel like I've learned from this experience, learned that saying good bye is not something to avoid. It helped me feel the peace I feel today. Looking back I can see times where I avoided someone's illness because I didn't know how to face a possible good bye. I didn't attend funerals because I couldn't face saying good bye. I'm going to take this experience and grow from it. Thank you Saphire, for this final gift.
She wasn't "my" dog, but she was our dog for the past 4 years. We started out great Saphire and I, best friends, sleeping in together (on our bed!), chilling out. I could tolerate her "quirks" (ok, to be honest, I had serious issues with how Corey raised her, but that's just me) and give into her many needs, like a mom I guess. The the real baby came, and things changed. I no longer had the time for her, she couldn't sleep on the bed anymore because of the baby. Her needs became a pain for me, I had baby needs to tend to. Saphire never had puppies and she's a dog, I'm sure she didn't understand why I was changing.
She got sick when I got sick. So here I was, morning sickness, a one year old and a sick dog. Yes Corey was there, but he's not a nurturer. Not like me. He could ignore her cries when she wanted in and out of the house a million times a day. I couldn't. She tired me. And then in the end, she saddened me. It wasn't fair to her, and there wasn't anything I could do. I had to let him do it his way. It was his dog.
So the next time should be better right? I will have equal say. I'm not ready now though. Dogs are cute and all, but they're a LOT of work. First there is puppyhood. You have to approach that as a mom and apply the golden principals of "routine, consistency and love". This means walks in the subzero weather NO MATTER WHAT, feeding routines etc. Then you have an adult dog with a good routine. I don't have the time for this in the distant future, let alone the near future. We need a few years off I think, wait until the kids are 7-9 so they can learn and help with the experience. With the proper approach, I can see how owning a pet is an important life lesson. Right down to the saying goodbye (because lets face it, if you have a pet it's going to happen).
And so we move on. I will be getting my cat back, Freckles. Freckles has been my cat for 12 years, his entire life. He's the best cat in the world, affectionate, great with Samantha, low maintenance, fat and furry. He's been living with the in-laws for about 3 years now. We were there living with him for two of them, but because of the dog we didn't get to see much of him. Saphire hated cats and I swear, she would have killed him (she killed skunks and he IS black and white).
Of course I can't post an entry on this day, May 2nd, without reflecting on my baby brother. It's his birthday...his SIXTEENTH birthday. I can't even put my head around that one. I saw him being born....time. Happy Birthday Naner.
posted by Neva4getme @ 10:36 AM
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