Giving Myself A Break

You know, I'm trying to figure it out, this guilt thing. Where did I get it? From my mother? My family? Me genes? The Catholic upbringing?

I sit there sometimes and fester in this cloud of guilt. I didn't call someone when bla bla bla happened. I'm not "doing my best" to nurture this friendship or this family relationship etc.

Well you know what? I'm not. And I have so many good reasons, for my own life, why I'm not. So you know what? Goodbye guilt. Go BLEEP yourself!

It's time to give ME a break. Yes, I'm compassionate and tolerant of other people and often feel a responsibility to "be the bigger person" and do more, but I never look at my own obstacles and do the same for myself.

It's been three years since hurricane Katrina and the headlines made me ask myself what's been going on in my life over the last three years. My list is quite the doozy.

I got prenant. We moved in with my in-laws. My mother committed suicide. I repaired my relationship with my brother. We bought an investment property in New Brunswick. I had a baby. We had a misscarriage. I got pregnant again. We bought a house in Brampton. We renovated a house in Brampton. We moved out of the in laws (after OVER TWO YEARS thankyouverymuch). I remained deathly sick for 70% of the pregnancy. I had another baby.

And here we are. It feels like the "light and the end of the tunnel". I'm so happy, I'm bursting. Mack is 12 weeks old and an incredible baby (nursing moms know what the 12 week mark means!) We've adjusted to the added responsibility of a baby as best we can. Sam is incredibly smart and so much fun that the two-year-old antics are mild. They are present though! So as an added bonus in my life I have Grandma and Pop pop. I can take my kids over to their house WHENEVER I WANT. Heck, they would love it if they could see the kids every day! I trust them, and because we lived with them for the first 18 months of Sam's life, she has no problem whatsoever going to their house. In fact, she asks to go and looks forward to it for days. Corey and I can do whatever we want. We can be alone whever we want, go visit people, be HOME ALONE. In fact right now, Sam is at Grandma's for TWO DAYS. Hence the blogging. I'm cleaning my house SLOWLY, spending time with my husband and baby, might go for a swim sans 2 year old. I've been wanting to get some of these thoughts down for a while too, so might as well take advantage of the time :)

Right, so I'm happy. And that guilt thing? I think I've got it figured out. I'm going to be more open about my feelings. What a lot of it boils down to for me is I'm giving myself a break. I've had a crazy/rough/life changing three years. It's time I let people be tolerant and considerate of my situation. I can't do that unless they know about my situation. It's all about sharing, opening up. And who knows, that may help someone else too.

Happyness is infectious.

I feel so full of life right now! I'm getting out into the community and making friends. I'm going out on dinner/movie nights with other moms. I'm more active as I walk around the city. We're eating fresh and healthy foods from the farmers market down the street, and now from our own garden too! My kids are beautiful, happy, smart....

I deserve this.