Post Traumatic Growth 101

From traumatic beginings to "normal life", choosing to grow and wanting to empower others. This is my story.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Some Good News

Well, I did the two hour Gestational Diabetes and I passed! Woot woot. I did throw up the drink between hour 1 & 2, and I didn't tell the lab...maybe I'll mention it to my doctor..but my family doc was surprised my OB even ordered the second test because my score from the first was sooooooooo close to ok (I had an 8.0 and the hightest normal is 7.8). I'm pretty sure we're ok.

Sam and I are sick. I think this is the first time we're sick together (and only Sam's third cold). It's been a challenge to say the least. I'm sooooooooo tired all the time as it is, add a whiney 20 month old and congestion and WOWIE, I'm a mess lol. Corey has been super helpful though and his mom too. Last night he had to work and Grandma had a TOPS meeting, so it was just the kid and I. I need to stop feeling guilty for laying in bed with her when we're sick. It's not going to turn her into a couch potato!

Been doing more self reflection lately. My TV needs have drastically declined and I have a lot more thinking time (usually when I'm cleaning the house). I'm learning to appreciate the simple things again and it feels so good. In the past I was always aiming for "the best" and stressing when things weren't "perfect". I was raised by a woman who was ashamed of everything she did because in her eyes nothing was "good enough". It's no wonder I'm the same way. I don't like it though and I'm learning to change. I'm learning to be more confident with my choices and to stop and enjoy life as I'm living it. So I'm driving a HUGE BEAST of a car that moves like a turtle and sucks up gas faster than anything I ever could have imagined. It's comfy and it's affordable. Oh and it gets me where I need to be. That's a good thing! I cannot afford a payment for a nice fancy new car. Who cares but me anyway? So stop caring and enjoy! That's the thought process I'm training my brain to accept, because it's what I want to be.

I want to be a simple, happy, comfortable person and it's all attainable if I get over the shit. And heck, I'm almost there!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I'm Not Alone!!!!!!!!!

Wow, read this PLEASE, it totally outlines my parenting approach and what I believe in.

I don't think I could ever put it into words so eloquently. Here's what I'm going to live by, as per the article:

Manifesto of the idle parent

We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
We pledge to leave our children alone
That should mean that they leave us alone, too
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
We drink alcohol without guilt
We reject the inner Puritan
We fill the house with music and laughter
We don't waste money on family days out and holidays
We lie in bed for as long as possible
We try not to interfere
We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house
We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
Time is more important than money
Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
Down with school
We fill the house with music and merriment

In other news, my 2 hour GD test SUCKED. I threw up the orange drink in the parking lot between hour 1 and 2. I didn't tell the technician because I was so afraid they'd say I had to come back and do it again. Now I feel like I should have told them because what if the results are all wrong because of it. UGH.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Ha! I just got a call from the doctors office. To add to my list of "differences":

* Failed the Gestational Diabetes 1 hour test. Have to go back Thursday for the two hour.

* Low iron levels. Have to take iron supplements.

I hate being pregnant.

What A Difference

So I've been told I'm having a girl. It wasn't 100% though, because the legs were crossed the entire time. I asked if the tech saw "three lines" though, because that's what I was told they'd see if it was a girl. She said she did and explained the three lines are the vulva. Cool.

I'm still freakin' paranoid though. Why? This pregnancy is SO DIFFERENT! I can't believe how different! Here are some of the differences:

* STILL puking. I thought I was in the clear since I hadn't thrown up since last Wednesday, but nope, this morning this symptom returned. ARGH

* Not eating. This is good for my butt and thighs, I feel like I'm "skinnier" everywhere but the belly. The doctors are not concerned.

* Signifigant difference in weight gain. Probably related to the previous two, I'm only up 7 lbs so far this pregnancy (30 weeks along). I gained 50 lbs the last one...I wish I had lost the entire 50 lbs before getting pregnant again, oops.

* Much more movement. This baby is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more active than Sam ever was. I remember using a doppler with Sam because I wouldn't feel her at all that day. My friend didn't find the doppler for me this time and I recently told her it worked out ok because I didn't even need it.

* Back Aches. I don't remember back issues with Sam. This could be because I'm now chasing Sam instead of lying around doing nothing like I did the last time :P We also had an injury to deal with recently that required me to basically carry Sam around for 2 weeks (she fractured her leg).

* Inside pain. I remember reading about my online pregnant pals and their complaints about the baby "kicking my bladder" etc. I had no freakin' clue what they were talking about. I do now! I've felt this baby kick my ribs, squish my bladder and oh man, kick into my croch area. Sometimes it takes my breath away!

* How I'm carrying. I feel like I'm carrying lower. I don't know why, my MIL says I'm carrying the same. I just always feel pressure below, and it feels like I've ridden a horse all day! This is what scares me the most because don't boys carry low???? Maybe it feels like I'm carrying lower right now because I still have 10 weeks to go....

* Fatigue. This is probably due to the fact that I have Sam to care for now (my gosh I miss the lying around doing nothing sometimes). I also have a house to run. Maybe we should have waited to move until AFTER this baby was born?

So yea, Sam fractured her leg. She simply fell on the hardwood, thought it was a normal fall but turned out to be a fracture. It was a PITA but it could have been worse. She didn't get a cast because they didn't know it was a fracture until the SECOND x-ray, two weeks after the incident. By then she had healed a lot and was starting to walk again. I couldn't believe how much I missed her walking lol. It was like having a 2 year old baby!

She's still a skinny minnie. I think she's the smallest on her birth board, just over 21 lbs at 20 months. Baby weights are stress inducing. We're at the very low end of "the scale" and so of course I worry. She's perfect though, proportionate, vibrant, smart, so I need to just give it up. I have the best kid in the world. She's cuddly, happy and can talk better than some 3 year olds. She's got a catalog of songs we sing together and we spend our commute to and from the babysitters singing the selection of her choice :) Every birthday song is sung to Daddy of course. Even Patty Cakes are baked for Daddy. He eats that shit up. I do too :) When I pick her up she is SO happy to see me "MY MOMMY!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" It totally brightens up any day. She knows her name "Mantha Long", my name, Daddy's name, grandma's name, popops name...first and last for all :) She was saying "Sarah Caully" before but now she says Sarah Long (Daddy told me I couldn't correct her anymore). The sentances get longer and longer every day. Her vocab is incredible, she is always surprising us. I think she might have some kind of photographic memory because she remembers EVERYTHING. We've had to apologize for a LOT of bad words too.

Living on our own ROCKS lol. The only thing that sucks is this horrible winter we're having. We have a big beautiful backyard full of SNOW. We're getting into good cleaning routines though and keeping things simple. We're being mindful of the "junk" we buy and bring into the house. We want to avoid clutter at all costs. It's nice being clean again :) We've also had a lot of friends come over for dinner parties etc. I feel like we're reconnecting with the world! It really needed to happen, for all of us. The grandparents are very lonely right now, it's taking longer for them to adjust, but that's to be expected. We've got visitation happening (overnights for Sam - Sunday dinner for us) and it helps to have a morning a week to sleep in.

We're also facing putting Corey's dog Sapphire down. She's falling down everywhere because of arthritis in her legs :( She's also peeing everywhere, we think her kidneys are failing. I want to end her suffering ASAP but Corey is having a VERY hard time letting go. The dog is a 100lb Doberman, VERY overweight. She's also 13 years old, 4-5 years past the life expectancy of her breed. But I know, easy for me to sort out, harder for Corey. But, the time is near.

I'm actually busy at work. Crazy management changes and vacations have put a lot of work on my plate. Of course it does, 2 1/2 months before I leave. UGH.

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