Post Traumatic Growth 101

From traumatic beginings to "normal life", choosing to grow and wanting to empower others. This is my story.

Friday, March 31, 2006

It's Official

We're home owners! As of today we own a house in New Brunswick. Unbelievable. I'm also officially dirt poor LOL Well at least until we get the rent money from the renters. Then we're about 0.0002% less poor than we are now LOL It's nice though, we can start chiping away at the mortgage and line of credit and eventually MOVE. Have I mentioned that I hate this city?

Ask me what I'm doing this weekend? Going to a fisher price sale. They have this really awesome sale that we stumbled upon last weekend. 25% off the already low warehouse prices. We're going to get a monitor, vibrating seat and probably a few other things. How can you resist a sale like this? I mean it's all BABY STUFF and well, we're having a baby!

That reminds me of something funny Corey said today when I called him to let him know the house was a done deal. I said it's official, we own a house and he said, "It's all coming together! Soon we're going to own a baby too!". Hahahahaha. That made me laugh out loud.

It's been super nice weather wise around here. There's a good side to that and a bad side. The good thing is when I'm outside I feel energised, happy, warm. The bad thing is when I'm inside here at work I want nothing more than to be outside. How many more weeks of work??? TEN. 48 work days (there are two stat holidays to remove).

Another neat thing about today, my due date is 99 days away. I'm into the double digit count down people! ACK!

For My Darling Baby Girl: You little bugger. I thought you were going to take after me and sleep in in the mornings but the last few days you've been kicking me awake! Mommy gets cranky if she doesn't get enough sleep ya know. I'm sure that'll all change once you're born and I have NO CHOICE but to wake up but for now could we keep it down a little before 8am?

Monday, March 27, 2006

Too Perfect For Words

Here she is, Samantha Catherine Long. She has Mommy's nose and Daddy's mouth/chin. We were lucky to get this shot because she kept putting her hands in front of her face!

Here she is licking herself! Seeing her do this was sooooo cute. She has a really long tongue!

Here's a body shot. The ultrasound tech said she has a "big belly" and is Chubby. I knew those McFlury's were paying off!

So we went to the Ultrasound place and watched her swim around for 37 minutes. For the most part her hands were in front of her face and we had to say "move baby" about a million times. At one point she was getting frustrated with us shaking her and she turned around and put her butt in our faces. Nice! Corey and I loved the experience. We have the whole thing on DVD and 37 pictures on CD. These are momento's she'll be able to share with her own kids.

Afterwards we went to register at Walmart and BabiesRus. Our Walmart registery can be found at and the BabieRus at Walmart's website sucks, you have pretty much no pictures because nothing is available online, you have to use the registry machine in the store. BabiesRus (found at any ToysRus) had a LOT of stuff, we should have gone there first. It was perfect timing to go though because we were high from the ultrasound and in full baby mode. We did register for some bedding but I think we might change it. I think it's a little too plain and not gender specific. Let's see if I can convince Daddy.

For My Darling Baby Girl: You are too cute! Daddy sleeps with his arms at his face and so do you. You have my nose though (you'll thank me I'm sure). It was the first thing I noticed about you actually. So cute and perfect, like mine! Ha ha. It was nice to confirm that you're a girl, I really would have been dissapointed otherwise. Your dad would have as well, he's already considering you his princess. The only problem with seeing you like that, I now can't wait until I hold you in my arms. Time is suddenly moving a lot slower.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Where has the week gone?

Am I the only one who does this? I wake up every Monday morning and think to myself omg, I have a whole week of work in front of me. But I bet it'll be Friday before I know it. Then..before you know it, it's Friday. Yea OK this is rather pointless to write about but I do think about that! Time seems to just FLY. I get anxious when I really start thinking about it. I mean before I know it I'll be 54 and my DAUGHTER will be 27.

I woke up last night and started getting anxious thinking about actually delivering this baby. I mean how the heck am I going to do this? I calm myself down by thinking to myself about the millions of women who do it every day. But still...the pain? The uncertainty? Ripping? Pushing? THE PAIN?

I smell good. Went to a "Spa Party" on Wednesday and of course bought something. I bought a nice smelling body spray and some eye things (you put them on your eyes to relax). The party itself was nice, all the girls had very young children and the demonstrator was pregnant so it was baby talk galore. Saw some of the newborn diapers, they're so tiny! I can't believe I'm going to have something living and breathing that fits in them. Anyway, we got to have hand treatments, feet treatments, face treatments and passed around a nice warm neck relaxer thing. I didn't book a party of my own and asked her to not call me in a few months to see if I changed my mind. Score one point for living with the in-laws, what a great excuse!

Took a hit in the emotions department. On Wednesday morning Neil sent me a text message saying "I miss her so much". I started bawling at my desk. Good thing my neighbour wasn't at his desk. I wrote him back "I know you do. You always will". I gave it a bit of thought before I responded. I didn't want to say "I do too" because I didn't want it to be about me, I didn't want to tell him "It's going to be OK" because it won't just hits you sometimes. I phone him later and he said he'd had a bad morning but that he was better. Really though, it broke my heart. They were so close...heck they lived next door to eachother. He saw her every day. He wasn't alone. How could she do this do him of all people. How could she set it up so he would be the one to find her. He was her child.

So Wednesday was a down day. The spa party helped keep my mind off things. Corey is working evenings this week so I've been pretty much on my own every evening. I think I'm going to go swimming tonight, it's "Women Only" at the local pool. This means a trip to the maternity store for a bathing suit...uh oh! Need. To. Control. Spending.

For My Darling Baby Girl: On Sunday we get to see you at our 3D Ultrasound! I can't wait to see what you look like and how much you've grown. My friends told me I'll even be able to see if you have hair! Afterwards we're going to go register for gifts for the shower your grandma is having for me. Your Dad and I are probably going to have a few differences of opinion on certain things. I'll do my best! See you Sunday.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Is There A Prescription For "Shopaholic"?

Hello. My name is Sarah and I'm a shopaholic.

I really do have a problem. This is no joke! So this weekend...

Friday was nice. Took Corey out for some green beer (I wanted a Shamrock shake but McDonalds doesn't make them anymore!). I had a fish dinner because as far as I'm concerned I'm not gaining anymore weight ( ya right). No but seriously, I'm going to try and be good from now on. I had an orange shake but it was a holiday (and the only ice cream I had all weekend thank-you-very-much!). We didn't stay out long because we were both tired but it was nice to get out just the two of us.

Saturday morning Tammy and I went out for breakfast. We went to Perkins and had a lovely time. Our good time then continued at our biggest mall in Ontario, Vaughn Mills Mall. Holy Moly did we walk (good thing, need EXERCISE!). I bought some cute underwear for myself, boxers for Corey and some sleep pants for Corey. Oh and I bought some body butter for my belly (though it might be too late - stretch mark city!). Tammy got a lot of cute clothes for amazing deals, sigh. Next year! Nothing fit me of course. We did go to another mall though and I bought two t-shirts. They were a bit expensive but I wanted to try my iron-on transfer paper. When we got home we helped Corey a bit with the lasagna preparation and then I went and picked up my Auntie Lianne who was coming by for a visit. We had a nice visit, played some crib, ate like pigs and I got to bed quite late (1am!).

Tammy woke me up on Sunday to go back out shopping. Good thing Corey needed the car so we got a late start and only had a couple of hours of open store time. We hit the dollar store (where I spend $15 freakin' dollars, I know, HOW?) then Home Depot. She got some paint and I looked at border paper. They had a cute "Precious Moments" one that I showed Corey later. He liked it too but would still like to "get creative" and make our own little designs etc. We'll see, I think we're a little too lazy for a project like that. I dragged Tammy to a maternity clothes store and tried on half the damn place. $85 later (pants, skirt and 3 shirts!) we headed home. See what I mean by PROBLEM? I'm closing on a house in less than two weeks!!! I'm getting our taxes done tonight so I hope I get back a LOT of money, I need it.

I have avoided my online banking website (usually checked daily) all day because I'm afraid of the damage. If I don't see it it didn't happen right?

This eating healthy thing SUCKS. First off, when I was having a McFlury/Shake/Drumstick daily the heartburn was MUCH better. It's back with a vengeance, cruel cruel body. Second, I never woke up in the middle of the night to eat. That had completely stopped. Well I've had to get up the last two nights in a row because I was STARVING. I even tried having soup before bed last night and was still up ("Soup? You think soup can replace ICE CREAM? Are you high?" said my body). So I get up and have my little cup of fruit mixed with cottage cheese. High in protein! Ugh. I should have been more careful and spaced out the ice cream all along. When will I learn? Next baby, I promise.

For My Darling Baby Girl: Do you know how to wrap your Daddy around your little finger already or what? Kicking him EVERY time he talks to you now has him smitten. He calls and asks how his baby girl is doing. At first I thought he meant me but NOPE, I no longer exist. I'm just the vessel carrying his precious baby girl. I do love it though. Seeing his face light up when you do it melts my heart. This morning you were dead asleep - you don't like mornings, just like your mom - and he started talking to kicked him 7 times, we counted. How did you like that music we played for you yesterday? Your dad isn't too happy that I'm playing hard core hip hop so we'll keep those blaring car rides to ourselves ok? You can blame him for the Bedouin Soundclash 50 million times, it's currently his favourite song.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Work work and more work

I'm hella busy at work lately. We're implementing a new customer on Monday and things are NOT going too well testing wise. Lucky me gets to fix ALL the little mistakes that are made. Yahoo. This week has just flown by though, which is nice. 12 weeks left of work!!!!!!! I might have to work this weekend but that just means more $$$$. My raise kicked in this week too so the money will be even more! I hope Corey has to work.

I have a doctors appointment this evening. My 24 week appointment. I am NOT looking forward to finding out how much weight I've gained. My belly has really popped since my 20 week appointment so there's got to be some extra weight there. Add to that all the junk I've been eating and.....I'm scared. I also hate peeing in a cup.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's day! Green beer! Oh wait...nevermind. Last year was my best St. Patrick's Day EVER. As soon as I told Corey I had never had green beer he took me out to a bar for some. The bar was an Irish bar and they had it decked out with decorations and even had some dancers perform throughout the day. The Irish music was blaring and the atmosphere was festive. The best part was the bar was just down the road from us so we walked. We drank and drank and drank, I don't think either one of us remembered leaving! In fact, I didn't make it into work the next day :) I had my first "real" St. Patrick's Day celebration at the age of 26. I was so happy he took me and we experienced that and am even more so now because we may never get to do it again (well together like that). Certainly not this year eh?

I've been in a GREAT mood lately, not tired and cranky at all. This is probably why women say being pregnant is great, I could easily focus on this stage and not the others.

For My Darling Baby Girl: Yesterday you did the best thing ever. Your Dad talked right into my belly to say goodnight to you and he had his head resting right on my belly. When he talked you kicked him right in the cheek! Both of us felt it and he was so proud. He's convinced you knew it was him and that you love him already. He's probably right! I can't get my head down there so I hope you hear me too. I know you definitely love the ice cream treats I've been eating every evening. Your kicks are the strongest after one of those suckers. Anything sweet gets you going though :)

Monday, March 13, 2006


I hate being sick. I'm doing enough whining in my "real life" so I'm not going to do much more of it here. Just that one line. Thought you should all know.

Weekend was boring. Spent most of it in bed, sick. That's not whining!

I had a pretty cool dream last night. There was this Interac promotion where if you went to a gas station between 7pm and 8pm and used your Interac card you could win between $100,000 and $1,000,000. The earlier you swiped the less money you got. So we heard no one had swiped at the gas station so we headed over. We were behind this car and it was like a race. We passed the card and ran in, grabbed some peanuts(?) and swiped. It was 7:52 so we were VERY close to 8pm. The clerk ran the transaction through then took our receipt and scanned it into the lottery terminal. We won $811,000! Corey and I agreed to split it and I remember both of us deciding to give his parents $50,000 each and then my brothers $50,000. Wierd eh?

Baby is getting more active and I'm getting MORE HUNGRY. I'm starving all the time all of a sudden. I need to remember to bring more food to work.

I got this joke at work today and I can't figure it out. I swear I've read the thing like 100 times. If someone can shed some light on it for me I'd be eternally grateful. Here goes:

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice fortheir first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone.She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains toher all the features on the phone.The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's herhusband."Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"She replies, "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as abell but there's one thing I don't understand though.""What's that, baby?" asks the husband."How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

For My Darling Baby Girl: Your room has progressed about 0%. We've also not purchased a single thing for you (well except for a few cute can't-resist outifts. I'm afraid like everything else I do I'm going to procrastinate. It'll all be here ready for you before you get here though, I promise!

Friday, March 10, 2006


I am now officially frightened. This is NOT me but I'm so scared that it could be! I never imagined a belly could get this big. And there's no turning back!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Day At Home

I stayed home today from work. My throat hurts!!! I also have a headache. I think I'm coming down with a cold. I was all ready to go to work, albeit very late, but when I called Corey he was on his way home!! So I decided to stay home. If the cold gets worse it'll be the weekend anyway right? LOL

I'm wearing my nice new maternity clothes so I thought I'd better take some pictures.

Here I am fixing my hair. It's the best picture I took today I feel, go figure. I'm 22weeks 5 days pregnant.

Here I am with Corey. Can you believe THIS GUY is going to be a Dad? LOL I swear he is 30 years old..

I FEEL like I look like an alien in that picture. I'm sure people will say otherwise but I'll always just FEEL like they're being nice.

Well I have 2 hours of America's Next Top Model to go watch on DVD. Then Survivor. Then American Idol on DVD then, Thursdays are good TV days.

For My Darling Baby Girl: Take a look at us, your parents. I'm sorry. LOL

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


Timing *is* everything. I hate hate hate my job yet I can't go with all my cool co-workers who are going to different company because I'm going on Maternity Leave. Oh well. The X-coworker told me today to give him a call when I'm done with the Maternity Leave.

I know I just got a raise and all, but my sorta boss told me he REALLY had to push for it. That pisses me off! I thought they were doing it because I deserved it and they wanted to keep me, not because someone else is pushing really hard for me. Bah.

Then I get all excited about this job opening in New Brunswick. I even e-mail the HR person to find out what qualifications I'll need to move into that kind of a position in the future. I better get back to school if I plan on moving there. Man oh man, not much opportunity in IT! The position I liked was a "Learning Specialist" and so I'd need to take some Adult Education classes. Fun fun. A job, baby and school. What am I getting myself into??

I don't even think I can go look to see if any courses are available because the college teachers are now on strike. Bandwidth on the college sites = not good.

The weekend was alright. Friday we went over to Corey's friend Paul's place to drill a hole. His kids are adorable. Saturday Corey and I spent the day in front of the TV. I mean I didn't even get dressed. It was fun until I threw a hormonal hissy fit. That ruined the rest of our evening and then most of Sunday. Good thing was I went shopping on Sunday to make myself feel better. maternity clothes.

My belly is getting bigger and bigger. I'll have to take a picture tonight and post it on this thing. I like walking around with it sticking out cause it's so obvious I'm not "just fat" now. Spring is just around the corner too so I won't have my big bulky jacket covering everything up.

I had something else to write about but I completely lost the train of thought.

On Friday I told my cousin on MSN that it was my grandmother's birthday that day. Then I completely forgot to call her myself that night. I am the worst granddaughter ever. We have MSN at work since Friday, soooo cool. I hope the firewall guys don't notice!

My brain isn't working very well. I think I've been working too hard. I mean I don't usually work at this is a switch.

For My Darling Baby Girl: Last night was so funny. I've been feeling you move inside a lot so I don't listen to the doppler every night. I tried listening last night but you kept moving around everywhere! I had to literally chase your hearbeat around. Your grandma is getting your nursery cleaned out and then we're going to paint. I hope you like pink, or peach. I have no idea what theme we're going to use after that. I wish I knew what you'd like! Wait a minute, this is one time I get to tell you what you're going to like. Before you know it you'll be old enough to dissagree with me. I take it back, you get what you get dear! Ha ha.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Breakdown City, CAN

Yesterday was crazy. Why oh why did I look forward to the day Corey returned back to work? I thought getting into work at 6:45am myself would rock, I mean I did it a lot last year. I had to drive him in because on Friday I picked him up from work (being the concerned girlfriend that I am - remember he was ZAPPED) and so his truck was at the shop all weekend. Had I gone to bed at a decent hour, like 10pm I think I would have been OK but AMAZING RACE was on! Hello? The best show on TV! And it delivered. I loved the first episode. This is going to be a great season. 2 hours was appreciated because I really feel like I know who the couples are now. Usually after the first show I'm still confused. Because I'm in the greatest country in the world - heh- we get American Idol from 8:00 - 9:30 and then Amazing Race from 9:30 - 11:30, ON THE SAME CHANNEL!

So I get into work and there were two people in before me. Bonus. This means that when I take off at 2:30pm I have witnesses to my early morning arrival. I'm a slacker and leave early ALL THE TIME so it feels good to actually put in a full day and still leave early LOL I couldn't eat at the ungodly hour of 5am so by the time I got in I was hungry. So I eat and then actually WORK for like 5 hours. This is a record for me. I didn't check any reality web sites, pregnancy message boards or craigslist. I had actual work to do! Heck I even forced myself to stop working so I could eat lunch (I was STARVING). It was deadline day of course. I had to get these reports finished by end of day yesterday. In retrospect I could have, oh I don't know, worked on them for TWO WEEKS and taken my time but no, I waited until the last possible minute. The story of my life.

I did get a surprise visit from my director who gave me a $5000 raise. That was nice! Threatening to leave for another company really pays off!

So I get done around 1:30 and head over to reality web sites, pregnancy message boards and craigslist. Come on, I had to. Of course, I'm so exhausted at this point that I can't even read anything. I take off and head home for some American Idol on DVD. It was ok. None of the girls wowed me. Fell asleep during Oprah and that's when things started getting bad. Corey scared me awake (don't you hate it when you wake up and someone is standing over you? I seriously SCREAMED) and I felt like CRAP. The worst heartburn EVER. My underwear were digging into me, my pants felt about 3 sizes too small and I feel asleep on the couch so I was all uncomfortable. Corey got me some milk (that I whined for) and I got changed into the biggest clothes I had. I then started BAWLING. Being pregnant is not the rosy picnic you see on TV. I was sobbing about how fat I felt, how much the heartburn hurt and the state of my wardrobe. I seem to have balooned overnight. My belly is HUGE! Everyone warned me about this but I just let my hormones take over me and it was not pretty. (The one cool thing, I felt the baby move FROM THE OUTSIDE for the first time on Tuesday night. It was such a wonderful feeling)

Corey really delivered then. He told me he wanted to take me to the mall to cheer me up. The MALL. Now anyone who knows me KNOWS I love to shop. I resisted at first, I mean it was easier to just wallow in self pity and cry all night but he insisted. I dragged my butt over there and it still took a half and hour to really start feeling that shopping BUZZ but it happened. The sale items got me. I bought myself a new maternity shirt for like $6, new yoga pants for $7.50, big track pants, HUGE underwear (sigh) and a cute pyjama set (nothing makes me happier than cute pyjama sets - and this was full price). The best part was at the cash because the shirt I paid $6 for was $12 on the tag and then I got ANOTHER %50 off (same with yoga pants) so you know that made me higher than high! Corey then bought me a pair of official Team Canada Olympic track pants. The pyjama set I bought say "He Loves Me" on the shirt :) And you know what? He really does.

We got some food (because I was feeling good you know, so get me some FOOD!) and went home where Corey insisted I change into the new pants he bought me. I felt wonderful.

Today I'm in my new $6 shirt, $7.50 yoga pants, HUGE underwear and I feel great. I'm swimming in it all, even cozier. I'm looking forward to going home (at 4pm! Ha, I came in at like 9:20am) tonight and putting on my "He Loves Me" pyjamas, watching the American Idol boys (that I taped), Survivor and the results show. I'll be cuddled up with Corey and if the weather people are right, the snow will be falling.

It's a good day to be in love.

For My Darling Baby Girl: We can feel you kick now! It makes me smile every time I feel it. You're even kicking right now actually. Last night I wanted to hear your heartbeat before bed - it helps put me to sleep - and you were moving around so much I had to chase you to hear it. Your Dad says you don't like the doppler but I think you were happy because I had Greek food for dinner. I hope you like food, like I do. We can go for sushi together and leave your Dad at home. I'll eat pretty much anything - hope you're liking it in there! I've learned my lesson this time for sure, no more spices, super fried tasting salty chips, tomatoe sauce or acidy fruits. I just want us to get along ok? LOL

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