Post Traumatic Growth 101

From traumatic beginings to "normal life", choosing to grow and wanting to empower others. This is my story.

Friday, April 28, 2006

What Do You Say When Life Is Just "Good"

The first two days of this work week I was in training. Let me tell you, I don't remember a THING from the session LOL It was hard concentrating. I'm a very hands on learner so sitting there watching someone fiddle around on their own computer through a projector...YAWN. We have two new people in our group and they seem very nice and eager to learn. I wonder how long that will last. This place sucks the life outta people I tell ya.

I was training the new people yesterday. I *love* teaching and training. I really should go get an Adult Education certificate. Teaching an actual class in a school might be too much for me now, too much school, but a certificate at a college I can handle. Most of the courses are offered through the Internet anyway! It's something I could use to help me get a good job in New Brunswick, that's for sure.

Talked to my baby brother Daniel on Tuesday night. Baby, what am I saying? He turns FOURTEEN on Tuesday! I can't believe how time flies. I can still remember the day he was born. The fear I felt when the doctors said they were worried the cord was wrapped around his neck and then the elation I felt when he came out OK and started crying. He's had a hard life since and is no where near the typical 14 year-old, but he's my brother. He'll always hold a VERY special place in my heart. I send him a birthday gift every year so we have some shopping to do this weekend. I'm going to get him a spring jacket and a gift certificate so he can get an X-box game. He's finishing his first year of high school in June and I think we'll be down for my mom's burial that weekend so I'd like to bring him back here for a week or two. I usually spend time with him in the summer and I figure I should do it this year before the baby is born. Maybe again after, but I'd like some time with him just the two of us before my life changes forever.

Yesterday Corey called me because he was driving and came across a plane crash. He was freaking out, said there were suitcases lined up along the median and everything. Of course I googled the info we had and went to every local news website and found NOTHING. Found that very peculiar. He called back a few minutes later and said it was a movie set :P I had to drive by in on my way home and it was pretty real looking, but obviously a movie set if you knew that's what it was. I guess other people who passed it by have been calling the news stations etc. because this morning they showed the set on TV and said not too worry LOL

Had my 30 week doctors appointment this week. Everything is progressing fine. Had a bad weigh in again. I just can't get motivated to exercise!! It's bad. I'm going to have so much work to do once the baby is here. Hopefully I get my motivation back when I get my body back.

No plans for this weekend. Would like to finish the babies room and maybe probably watch a lot of movies.

For My Darling Baby Girl: You're getting bigger and bigger in there. Your kicks are stronger and my belly really moves now when you're active. You still like Daddy time best, I'm a little jealous. He tells EVERYONE about how you push right into him when he sings to you. If you're on the other side of me I can feel you move towards him now. It must be love.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

WPT Here I Come!

Had a really nice weekend. Friday night we pretty much did nothing. No wait, we watched a movie. Fun with Dick and Jane. Nothing spectacular, nice and fluffy. After that we watched some "Fridays Without Borders" on Showcase. I won't go into what that means, my daughter will be reading this one day! If you're dying to know I'll e-mail you or leave a message in your blog. How's that?

Saturday Corey and I had a bit of a scuffle. He wanted to clean clean clean and I wasn't feeling particularly cleany so I whined. That started the ball rolling and things escalated into quite the fight. We're both very opinionated, hard headed, smart (I think) and can't lose. Oh and passionate, so our fights can get quite heated. At one point I was sitting in the car in front of the house with Corey's cell phone, Corey was outside in front of the house smoking a cigarette and I was supposed to be calling my cousin to say we weren't going to make it to the anniversary party. Well he came back to the car after his smoke, asked why I didn't call. I told him I didn't know what to say so he said then lets just go. We went. That's how we fight.

We actually made it on time to the restaurant (2 hour drive) with time to spare! I was worried I wouldn't recognize anyone because of my pregnancy brain (seriously, it's bad) and for the first 20 minutes I didn't know anyone so my panic was heightened. Luckily my Aunt's sister showed up and I had met her before. I thought I recognized her and was saved by someone saying "That's Jackie's Sister!" out loud before she reached our end of the table. My Aunt and Uncle were pleasantly surprised. Apparently my cousin Norman has had surprise parties before where every neighbour and customer they'd ever met was invited so they had demanded no party. He did good though and kept it small and intimate so he saved his own butt.

After dinner my Aunt and Uncle went to their theme roomed hotel to do whatever people do on 25th wedding anniversaries. We went back to the house with my cousins and once the kids were in bed the alcohol and poker chips arrived. One of my cousins spends a lot of time playing poker, online, with friends and in tournaments. Well guess what sober little me did? Kicked butt! I won! It was down to him and I but I had a HUGE chip lead. I had taken out all of the others before him so he had to go all in on almost every hand and I won. I was pretty happy about that. The buy in was only $5 and Corey and my cousin's gf had each bought back in for another $5 so I won like $30. Next game my cousin got brave and I swear I took him out on like the 4th or 5th hand. I ended up winning that game too! Another $20. I'm signing up for the World Poker Tour tomorrow.

I had a rough sleep that night. We only got to bed at like 3am and the mattress was tooo soft so I had the hardest time rolling over and my limbs kept falling asleep. Made it through a day of visiting on Sunday but was in bed by 9pm that night.

Last night Corey almost got arrested. Good times eh? It's a long story but basically Corey lost his cool. He didn't hit anyone but he grabbed this guy and he called the cops because he's a pussy. No I'm serious, we all think he's in the closet. The cops loved Corey and the guy who called the cops said he wouldn't press charges if Corey paid him CASH. Money that Corey's Uncle owed him (that's what started the whole thing). We paid him the money, got a receipt and the cops had some really nice words for Corey. He admitted he was wrong (to the cops, not the a$$hole), co-operated and paid the money. We got a receipt for the money and it said the matter was over with. Good thing too because then this morning this guy calls the house and says his neck and back hurt so we'd be hearing from his lawyer! The cops are NOT going to be pleased about this. Corey is mucho angry but he's keeping his cool. I think he knows he only got the one shot. Should be interesting to see how this plays out, the guy screwed himself now. His mom is Corey's mom's like best friend and we know he's desperate for money to buy a house. I can't believe someone so stupid exists in this world.

Drama drama drama.

For My Darling Baby Girl: You scared me on Sunday and I know, it's your Dad's fault. He'd had a bit too much to drink and it was like 5am when he came to bed so you didn't get your ABC's. Did you have to NOT MOVE the entire next morning though? I had some serious cramping during the night so I was about to go into labour and delivery. I know I know, we kept you up till 3am so you were probably sleeping. He promised me last night that he won't miss another nighttime song with his baby (or Mommy will KILL him, heh).

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Back Breaking....Painting?

The long weekend is over and of course, it wasn't long enough. Sleeping in for three days REALLY did me good but then it also did me bad. I couldn't get to sleep early enough on Sunday night so I was exhausted on Monday and then of course you just can't catch up until the following weekend. Ugh. I need to remember that this is going to be my life, sleep deprived, for like the rest of my life. STOP WHINING and GET USED TO IT.

Friday was pretty boring. Everything was closed so we kinda sat around going "I wish I could go shopping". We had nothing we needed to buy, I think just knowing that everything was closed made us bored. Funny how that works. We did rent the movie "King Kong" though. I don't know if it was my hormones or what but man, I was deeply moved by that movie! The scene with the killer bugs made me scream. I can't think of a movie where I've been so physically scared. Then of course when they brought King Kong to the US and later when he died I *bawled* my eyes out. Corey's not a crier and usually makes fun of me a little but I think he could see that my hormones had obviously taken over because yes, I always cry but no, I don't always SOB.

Saturday we went out to home depot and bought paint for the babies room. We got light blue for the top half of the walls, dark blue for the bottom and for $9 we got a premixed and castaway pinky/purple. After he worked on his truck for like 7 hours, Corey painted the two blues (and two coats of each at that!) and I must say, it looks fantastic. The Finding Nemo border paper will look great in between them. I was in charge of masking the walls and boy, it was hard to maneuver around that room with this giant belly. My legs STILL ache and my back, well, I need to book a massage.

I watched the movie "The Weatherman" on Saturday. It was a good movie. I really got into it. No crying or anything but I liked the story. Wait, I think I watched this movie on Sunday. Yes that's right, Sunday morning! Pregnancy brain.

Sunday I masked the walls again for the pink trim and white ceiling. Corey finished that in the evening and the room looks FANTASTIC. The pink trim girled it up and I was REALLY excited at the end of the day. Corey told me we have to take lots of pictures so she'll appreciate all our hard work LOL We exchanged Easter chocolates and I must admit, I haven't had a single one yet. I'm afraid to, I'll admit it. I don't want to get out of control!

Monday I got home from work and did a pink stencil border around the top of the room. Well I did half, the other half is getting finished tonight. The Finding Nemo border paper is probably going up tonight too. If Corey can figure out how to use a laser level that is. This could mean pictures by the end of the week so watch for 'em!

The weather has been so gorgeous. I hate sitting here in this stuffy office. It's getting harder and harder to be here I tell ya. I finally started training my replacement though so the end is in sight! It's a crazy feeling when you think about it. I have worked full time since I was 17. The longest I've had off was 3 weeks. My vacation leading up to maternity is 4 weeks! My plan for those 4 weeks is to SLEEP IN. I'm serious, that's it.

For My Darling Baby Girl: Thought I'd give you a Daddy-time update. You guys seem to have a schedule now. He talks to you every night before bed and you are the most active when he does. In case you've been wondering what he's been singing to you, it's the ABC's. He does it first in English and then in French. He did great with the French on his first try. He just got stuck at W. Last night he changed the alphabet up a bit to include "Sam likes listening to me" (where the L-M-N-O-P usually goes). I still think you'll be a genius.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Feeling Good Today

Wow, I've slacked off on updating this week! It was a busy/short/tiresome week that's why. Leave me alone, I'm pregnant.

So Heather came up for a visit this weekend. I love my little cousin so much. She's mini-me! Only I think she's cooler than I was at that age. I didn't have a convertible. She arrived Saturday pretty tired so we hung out at home catching up. Sunday Corey and I took her to Mandarin Chinese Buffet. It was super yummy but I couldn't eat as much as I used to. I did eat a nice big plate of deserts though! What a switch for me, I was never a big sweet eater. After the restaurant we dragged our stuffed bellies over to the big mall. I liked shopping with Heather, she didn't stop in every single "regular size girl" clothing store like Tammy did. Doing that with Tammy just made me feel depressed. Actually, Heather didn't even buy anything, but I did! Two pair of much needed shoes. I've worn them both this week and am VERY happy with my purchases.

After mall time we headed over to my Aunt's for girl-cousin-bonding-time. It was nice seeing everyone and being together at these ages/places in life. The fondue was a great idea, it was interactive and fun. My favourite was the chocolate covered bananas. There was no tension and although obvious to me that some didn't particularly want to be there I thought everyone did their best to get along. I have to remember the ages of these cousins, you've got the selfish age, the discovering-who-I-am-age and the I-think-I'm-better-than-everyone age. I've been through all three of those ages myself and am preparing to raise a girl through them all so it's nice to have that insight and see the illustrations of those behaviours. What bothers me is what's said to family afterwards etc. Some are very quick to judge when I don't feel it's their place to do so and I see it being a pattern that's getting passed along to our generation. That saddens me. I think about my mom and how judged she always felt by people in our family. People in glass houses should not throw stones. We all have issues and should worry about ourselves a little more and less about those who are "doing worse". No one's life travels down a smooth straight road. I think we should try and encourage so others are there for us when we hit one of those bumps instead of laughing at/condemning others when they have taken a wrong turn.

So yea, interesting evening. Amazing how we've all grown up and what people we've turned into. We never really got together much while growing up so it's like getting to know these new people who you've known existed your whole (or their whole) life.

I took Monday off and Heather and I did a bit more shopping. I got some stuff for the baby and had my car "Coffee'd". What the heck does that mean? Imagine walking out to your car and as you get closer to it you realise that there's some liquid all over it. You look around, no one else has been "rained on". You look up, no trees or birds nearby! As you get closer you start smelling a very recognisable You then notice an empty run-over cup of coffee sitting on the ground in the parking spot next to you. Dammit, someone probably put a cup of coffee on their roof top, got into their car and drove off forgetting about it. There were pools of coffe sitting on my windshield wipers. We got a good laugh in though, it was pretty funny. Heather thought it was a little funnier than I though and spit chocolate milk all over the inside dash. I'd most definately been "creamed".

Heather left early Tuesday morning and I made the mistake of going straight to work instead of going back to bed. I need to remember that every minute of sleep helps win this battle. I've been a walking zombie for the rest of the week. I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow. It's suposed to rain too, I'll be nice and cozy.

Had my 28 week doctors appointment on Tuesday! I only gained 3 lbs this month! Yippee! I was sooooo happy when she weighed me. Then the doctor did his thing. He felt around and said she's measuring 30 weeks but that doesn't change my due date, it just means she's a BIG BABY! Oh great, another thing to worry about, delivering a BIG BABY. I have to go for a glucose test and am now seeing my doctor every 2 weeks, it's onto the third trimester!

I had three feel good moments this week. Yesterday at Winners the cashier asked when I was due and said I look "fantastic". She said it looks like a big baby but that I'm taking really good care of myself and still look "skinny" everywhere else. A co-worker said almost the exact same thing to me today :) Only she said fabulous tee hee. It's nice that the exercise and healthy eating is paying off. I want to be a healthy mommy! I just got back from the mall and while bra shopping one of the associates told me, out of the blue, that I looked really cute. The smile still hasn't left my face and I did buy from her store LOL.

Here's my 27W 1D picture taken this weekend at the "soiree".

I don't know which one I like better (or worse) so here's the other:

And for fun, here's my "cool" cousin Heather (I hope you don't mind me putting this here!):

For My Darling Baby Girl: Your Dad and I bought some Finding Nemo border paper yesterday. You're going to have an "Under The Sea" room! I hope you like it. What am I saying, you won't even remember it will you. I mean I don't know what kind of theme room I had when I was...born! We're being silly though, analyzing every little thing we put into it. It's only because we love you that much already and want nothing but the best for our baby girl.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

One Word

The way I've been feeling this week can be summed up into one small word: Tired. To further elaborate, I'm EXHAUSTED. I don't know what's happening, I'm sleeping terribly! I wake up half way through the the night and either start thinking, get hungry or feel achy. Flipping from one side to the other takes serious WORK. This belly is heavy! It doesn't help that half of my body falls asleep (numb) every couple of hours FORCING me to flip. I just lie there waiting for my alarm to ring. Yesterday I got up and went to work early (and my co-workers were SHOCKED to see me). Half way through the day I can't even read the screen on my computer. I have no motivation to be here, not getting any work done. How many more weeks of this?

I did go do something nice last night, I went to aquafitness!!! It was soooo much fun and the other three girls in the class were super! They were chatty and friendly, I had such a good time. We had to do some deep water stuff and everyone used flutter boards but the instructor made me use TWO pool noodles so I wouldn't lose my balance. I can't wait to go back next week. It didn't seem like a tough work-out but man oh man I'm hurting today! I got a decent sleep considering the sleeps of late but nothing near my usual konk outs. I could have bailed, both Tammy and Bonnie couldn't make it (back problems, no bathing suit) but I'm determined to not gain too much more weight. I hope my efforts have paid off. I find out next Tuesday how much I've gained this week. If it's another huge number I think I'll die. It's been a MONTH since I had an ice cream! Wait no, I've had two. STILL, I went from one a day to TWO in one month! I need a good result or I fear I'll feel this "suffering" hasn't been worth it. I so rarely ate ice cream before I got pregnant. So wierd.

My cousin is coming into town this weekend from New Jersey. Should be a fun weekend! I think I'll take her shopping on Sunday and Sunday evening we're having a girl-cousins-dinner at my Aunt's place. The menu is Fondue. YUUUUUM. I hope we can find the cheese to make it because I'm on a cheese kick. Believe it or not I could go without the chocolate! I'm bringing my camera to take some pictures, keep an eye out next week.

Oh! We decided on the theme for our nursery, Under The Sea! We bought these cute underwater animals at Ikea, 2 "star fish" lamps, an underwater theme curtain, fish stickers, fish mobile, an aquarium toy for the crib, an aquarium monitor and have already seen some crib sets and border paper on Ebay that would be awesome! Next thing is to paint, maybe we'll do that easter weekend. I'll post progress pictures as we get things ready.

For My Darling Baby Girl: I'm sorry for the shaking yesterday. Brittney (9) and Madison (5) wanted to feel you move and I was trying to wake you up. Of course the girls thought it was hilarious and had to shake you as well. I was all paranoid that I killed ya or something but you've been kicking me today so I guess you're not too upset (or dead). I only realised that I could have hurt you when the aquafitness lady told me to not perform the jumping moves. Doh!

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