Post Traumatic Growth 101

From traumatic beginings to "normal life", choosing to grow and wanting to empower others. This is my story.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

We're Still Not Parents

Well, NOTHING happening yet. I mean NOTHING.

I don't know what a "Braxton Hicks" contraction is because I swear I've never had one.

I don't think I've dropped....Corey and his mom keep saying I have but I think they're just trying to be optimistic.

I'm not leaking (I know, you don't have to, but everyone else on my pregnancy board seems to be!).

The baby is still moving (apparently they stop moving for a week before they're born???).

I'm due next Tuesday. I know I'm not over due yet so I should just stop whining but this pregnant thing has gotten REAL boring. I'm wearing the same two pair of shorts over and over again, I never really feel like eating but get these really strong hunger pains without a moments notice, I have this pain in my back that makes me walk like a cripple (and no, it's not back labour, Corey and I have been trying the "do the deed" induction method and of the positions we tried didn't work too well) and I'm HUGE. I'm really really excited about the fact that I'll soon be able to bend over and pick things up. When Corey and I play cards I'll sometimes drop one (oh yea, I'm clumsy now too) and he gets the biggest laugh out of the fact that I can't pick up the card myself.

We've decided on her full name finally. See originally it was Samantha Catherine Long but Corey felt a bit unsettled about having just my mom's middle name given the circumstances of her passing. He felt it would be bad karma for the baby or something. He wanted to add his mom's middle name but I just couldn't do it....her name is Bonita. I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone who's name is Bonita...but I just don't like it! To me it's one of those "old lady" names. Like Shirley or Gertrude or Blanche. So I x-nayed that idea and we started looking at names we liked and dropping my mom's name altogether. The other night we were explaining this to Bonny (Bonita) and she was trying to argue with Corey about him not wanting Catherine. I told her to stop, he had legitimate reasoning behind his argument so we starting talking about family names. My grandmothers name is Shirley and Corey's are Victoria and Bertie. Yea, no. Middle names, my grandmothers is Patricia, but that's also mine, Corey's are...I don't remember and BELLE (Bertie Belle - gag - sorry grammy). SO, if Samantha is born on July 9th she'll be Samantha Victoria Long after Corey's one grandmother because her birthday is July 9th. Any other day, she'll be Samantha Catherine Belle Long. Sammy Belle! Don't ya love it?

See what my life has been reduced to...sitting around waiting for a baby to be born and boring people with long complicated stories about names. I hope she's born soon so we can move on to tales of spit up and poopy diapers.

For My Darling Baby Girl: OK just how comfortable are you in there? I've been bouncing around on my exercise ball, drinking raspberry tea leaf, walking (as much as a cripple can) and NOTHING. I know I eat well (you do love those frosted mini wheats!) and have been pretty lazy so it hasn't been TOO bumpy, but Mommy is really tired of having you invade her space like this and both Daddy and I REALLY want to meet you. Let's get this show on the road!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Happy Birthday To Me

When did I stop caring about my birthday? Remember when we used to count halves, like seventeen and a HALF was such a monumental day. Not any more!

I'm 28 today. Woopie. Nothing special about that number. Corey just gave me the sweetest card. He knows me so well. Anyway, thought I was having the baby this morning when I had ONE cramp. Yea yea, I'm at that stage ok, I just want it to happen! Here's why:

My daughter is 7 1/2 - 8 lbs according to my doctor this week. That's insane. I have an 8 lb baby living inside of me. I'm drinking Raspberry tea right now. Come on baby!

I've done a lot this week...I washed all of her clothes, blankets etc. Put together the diaper genie, swing, bouncy seat. The car is cleaned so we'll install the car seat tomorrow. All that's left is to clean out our bedroom and put the bassinet together. I think this is what they call "nesting". I feel like I have to get it all done. Oh and I'll be packing my hospital bag this weekend too. Bonny gave me a nice light house coat and slippers for my hospital stay.

Here's my hunny, the Dad, and our new AUTO. I absolutely love this car, it has a SUN ROOF. I've never had a sun roof, that's why I'm so excited. It's a great car to drive to, power everything including memory drivers seat. The back seat has a built in booster seat for the kiddo! Oh and the best thing, it only cost $500. Corey knew the guy really well so he gave us a STEAL.

I was playing with my camera and thought the night shots looked ok. They look better when on the camera.

Tomorrow we're going to go to the racetrack to gamble on some horses. I wanted to go see Click at the drive-in but it was the second movie, starting at 12:30am and AFTER the Davinci Code (I want to read the book first) so we decided to forget it. I did have a free dinner at Tuckers Market Place! I'm a sucker for free stuff and hey, it's a buffet so you can't go wrong!

For My Darling Baby Girl: I'm ready. Please be born soon!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Next Time, No Summer

I don't think there is going to be a "good time" to be pregnant but the summer SUCKS. I'm like less than 3 weeks away from my due date, HUGE and it's freakin 30C+. I can't explain how hot I am all the time. Well except for bed where we have the air conditioning running 24/7 at a very chilly temp. Maybe that's how I'm able to sleep for 11 hours a night. Well minus about 4 pee's, an early morning bowl of cereal and usually about 1/2 hour of thinking (mostly about delivery). I really couldn't imagine having to go to work right now. I'm so lucky I have this vacation time.

Some people say delivering in winter sucks because after the baby is born you can't take him/her out for walks etc. I doubt I'll be taking this baby out during the day. Poor thing will need to be covered so the sun don't hurt her, it's hard to breathe in this humidity/smog and I don't like to sweat, I can't imagine my daughter will like it. I guess I can take her for evening walks now though, but then you have misquitos! West Nile virus!

I think I'll aim for spring or fall. Yea, that sounds like a good plan for the next one.

Tonight is a big night for Corey. The Oilers play the hurricanes for the Stanley Cup. It's the final game, the big show. Corey is SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. If his team wins my daughter is doomed. She'll have no choice but to be an Oilers fan I'm afraid. Daddy is already calling her their lucky charm. I'm a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and Corey HATES that. I will admit I'm rooting for the Oilers tonight though, it's been 13 years since Lord Stanley came home to Canada!

Soap Operas are so stupid. Why do I watch them?

I watched the new show "Treasure Hunters" last night. I'm sorry, Amazing Race kicks it's ass. I don't know why, I just didn't like it! I'm really enjoying Hells Kitchen though. Chef Ramsey is the bomb. This Wednesday my summer favourite starts (kinda). Big Brother. I really liked it when I was bored at work. I'm hoping this year will be fun for me because I can check in on the houseguests at all hours of the day when the baby gets up for a feeding :)

There's no AC in this room and I'm eating dinner. I should get into the TV room where there's a fan blowing.

For My Darling Baby Girl: You have such a personality in there! Between bum rubs and hiccups your Daddy is having a great time getting you going. I however am getting a little concerned with the lack of space you've got in there. I'm peeing all the time, my ribs hurt when you kick me and the pressure you exert when you push your bum into us to be rubbed, ouch! The final countdown is on though. I hope you're excited to meet us!

Friday, June 16, 2006

I'm All Good

I got the A-ok yesterday on the blood pressure. Right back down to normal. I guess the constant laying around drinking water really did work! Thanks Doc :) The only thing was I did kinda get excited that she could be here that soon. Oh well, back to waiting. It IS better this way.

While going over the possibilities in my mind I thought of all the things I still need to get done before she gets here. The list is quite long. I have to wash all of her clothes, blankets and sheets. We need to get a change table pad, bathtub, rubbing alcohol for her umbilical cord and a bassinet if we're going that route. Corey now wants her to sleep in bed with us. I don't know how I feel about that. I LOVE my sleep and yes, I know I won't sleep the same but I think I'll sleep worse if she's right there in the bed with me, know what I mean? We do want to have her in the room with us for 6 months but I like the idea of her being right beside me in a bassinet that I can just reach over and feel her. I guess that's something we'll decide over the next little while.

Oh, I also have to pack my hospital bag. Just thought of another one, clean the car and install the baby seat base! There is no way we can take the car into the police station in the condition it's in right now. Corey has smoked in it and there is crap EVERYWHERE. It's embarassing. He's going to get it detailed.

I did get all the landry done today. I also cleaned our basement room. I probably over did it but Corey mentioned the drive-in yesterday and I want to go! I want us to spend as much time alone together as possible over these next few weeks.

My work screwed up my leave date and then my pay this week. I didn't need that stress work! I'll get my missing weeks pay next pay period though and I got an apology from the guy who screwed up so I can't harp on it too much.

For My Darling Baby Girl: You're going to keep cooking in there for a while. Mommy likes sleeping in right now so it's all good, but I am anxious to meet you. The doctor told us yesterday that you switched sides! That's neat. I think it's because your dad can't get his head over my big belly onto the other side to talk to you so you just moved to be closer to him :)

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Full Term Baby!

Work is done. Last day was no big deal. Snuck out with my laptop. That made me happy. I feels wierd to know I don't have to go back to work for at least 7 months!

But, I've been kinda distracted. On Tuesday I had my 37 week appointment. Yea, my OBGYN never changed my due date after the Ultrasound, he has me due July 4th! Anyway, my blood pressure is HIGH. The guy checked it 4 times because he was so surprised. I mean I've been bang on all this time! My Montreal trip was promptly cancelled and I'm suposed to "rest" until my next appointment on Thursday.

This has brought my mind into overdrive. Am I having a baby this weekend (he could induce if it gets worse)? Am I ready? Why do I feel so shitty now? Am I stressing myself out? Yea, good times.

So I should get back upstairs to bed.

For My Darling Baby Girl: I'd like you to continue cooking please! I still need a bassinet, we need to clean the car, your clothes, install the car seat....

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Big Countdown #1 - 2 1/2 days

The first of two big countdowns is almost over. In 2 1/2 days I'm done with work for at LEAST 7 months. I don't think I can put my feelings on this into words. I've been working full time since I was 17 years old. The most time I've ever had off in a row was 3 weeks. My vacation before my due date is 4 weeks! I'm excited beyond belief.

In preparation for the vacation I've purchased three books, a birthing book, breast feeding book and a child rearing book. It's going to be all baby thoughts with sleeping in. I can't help it.

Can I just say this past weekend was really and truely great. That's two weekends in a row! This one was different though, it was about Corey and I. Saturday we went to visit with some friends. They have an adorable 3 year old girl and seeing Corey with her melted my heart. He's going to be such a wonderful Daddy. We played my favourite game of all time, Mario Party! I'm so tempted to buy Game Cube just so I can play this game whenever I want but can't justify it, we have PS2.

Sunday we woke up and decided we would go to the Barrie Automotive Flea Market even though Corey's poor truck Henry is still in the shop. When we arrived and he saw all the old classic cars on display he was so sad, he really wanted to show off his baby. That was about the only downer of the day however. I don't know what we expected, car parts everywhere? What we got was the biggest freakin garage sale EVER! There were rows and rows of people selling all knids of STUFF. I mean everything. Sure 50% of it was car parts but that left 50% STUFF! Corey and I were so excited once we realized this and we spent 4 1/2 hours picking over other people's junk. We didn't buy too much, some grandma/grandpa t-shirts for Samantha, a $2 bag of used lighters (we went back for more but couldn't find them), a model airplane made of Coors Light beer cans, a car charger for $1 (that didn't work). We took a few breaks to eat (junk!) and the best place to take a break was at the Beer tent (lucky Corey!). They had a live band, 50/50 draw. The atmosphere was very "country" and we felt right at home. My feet KILLED and I got a nasty sunburn on my neck, all worth it.

After the flea market we headed out onto the country roads to look for this friends cottage. He's selling a convertable Cavalier for cheap so Corey wanted to check it out. The drive was gorgeous and we talked and talked. We even stopped at this nice little side of the road home made furniture place to see if they had baby change tables. They didn't but they had so many nice trinkets. We found the cottage after a couple of hours and it happened to be right near Wasaga Beach so after we saw the car Corey took me for the five cent tour. The beach was really beautiful and the water looked so inviting. The "strip" though was geared for the young teenage crowd, quite the experience. I teased Corey about how he must've been all over the ladies when he partied there as a teenager. We decided to take the back roads home after stopping for a half a sub and then Dairy Queen. I ended up spilling half my banana split all over my pants much to the amusement of Corey. It was seriously one of my best days. It felt great to just be alone with Corey and it's nice to know we were able to do that before the baby was born.

I suffered through Monday, tired, burnt and a little nauseaus. I might have over done it a little with all the walking.

Yesterday I had a GREAT doctors appointment. Samantha has turned!!! She's ready to drop into the birth canal whenever she's ready. He said she's about 6 lbs. and I've done a good job feeding her. My blood pressure was perfect and the doctor said he'd love to see me every day. I have had a text book pregnancy, I'm so very lucky.

Birthing class was both fun and sad. It started out sad for me. Someone asked about maternity leave and how long we should take. I seem to be the luckiest because I have the 4 weeks vacation. The topic evolved into how much time the dads were taking and then into if our Mom's would be there to help afterwards. As soon as she asked the question I turned to Corey and my eyes filled with tears. I didn't know what I was going to say when she asked me and he could see the panic in my eyes. I managed to choke out a small yes when her eyes met mine but then she launched into a story about a client of hers who called crying in despiration. She told us the client was having a hard time in the first few days alone and had recently lost her own mother. Well that was it for me, I told Corey I needed to get out of there and went to the bathroom for a good cry. It was in the bathroom that I realized that yesterday was exactly 6 months from the day she died. I cried it out, blew my nose and left the washroom. Corey was waiting outside the washroom and gave me a big hug. We returned to the room together and everyone was looking at me but I didn't say anything and the class continued.

You think you're doing fine, you think you're "over it" and then wham. Even today I feel sad. The closer I get to having my little girl the more I think about her and how she'll never know her granddaughter. I have so many questions about my own birth, my own infant life and no one to fill in the answers. I'll be ok though, I'm going to be the best Mommy I can be.

Back to the class. We really learned a lot yesterday! About what we'll be going through after delivery, the first few days home with baby. Corey had to burp a doll and then practice swaddling the doll in front of the class. The Dad's were so cute! Once again we felt really good because she asked about the Dad's bonding with the baby and Corey was the only one who really has. All the other Dad's said their baby "didn't like them" and "never moved when they touched them". Corey sat right up and when it was our turn to answer if we massaged the baby he was so proud that he did and that she knew his voice. The teacher told all the other dads in a very concerned voice that they need to bond with the baby.

When we went to bed last night he sang her the ABC's twice and talked her through a hiccup spell. When I asked him if he loved me this morning he said no, he has a new love named Sam. My heart melted! Of course at the end of the conversation he said "I love you", like he always does.

For My Darling Baby Girl: We are getting more and more excited to meet you! We're also worried you're too comfortable in there, you do seem to love your butt massages! That's right, all this time Mommy thought she was rubbing and talking to your head when it's been your BUTT! Silly Mommy. You do like to push that little tush right into me though, and you're so strong! We're going to finish your room up this weekend. We found the perfect dresser/change table and that's the last thing we need. We're ready whenever you are sweetheart!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Last Weekend

Look at me, a whole week with no update. That's because I wanted to include pictures!!! What's a story about a Baby Shower without pictures?

So on Friday my work took me out for lunch. I was nice, chineese buffet. They got me my Eddie Bauer Travel System! It was the most expensive thing we registered for and I'm so grateful. We have a car seat and stroller now :) They also got me a big basket of clothing, diapers etc. that's beautifully put together. I got spoiled.

Sunday was great. The best people were at my shower, the games were fun and I again got SPOILED. Well Samantha did :) She's going to be styling I tell ya. Not only did I get something from the people at the shower but friends from Montreal and family from New Brunswick sent along gifts!!! I got about a hundred outfits, 3 homemade quilts, knitted outfits and blankets, a diaper bag, diaper genie, diapers, bibs, receiving blankets, shampoos, bottle steralizer, nail clipper/thermometer etc. set, rattles, books...I haven't had time to go through everything again so pictures of the actual items to follow.

Here are some shower pictures though!


Me after opening the presents:

The cake, it says "Hello Mummy, Goodbye Tummy"!!

Me cutting the cake:

For My Darling Baby Girl: You have a lot of people that love you already! I can't wait to see you in these adorable outfits :)

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